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Signs of an Emotional Affair

You may ask yourself, "Is an emotional affair the same as a physical, sexual affair?" To which we conclude by all means, "Yes!"

In fact, Dr. Liz Hale., Ph.D. says Both physical and emotional affairs are BOTH affairs. Unfaithfulness. In some ways, emotional affairs last longer than physical infidelity.

In today's society, it seems that unless there is an outright, physically and sexual affair, that "all is fair in love and war" with how others dictate whether we are right or wrong, and only until that specific point as physical infidelity which is easily characterized as "unfaithfulness", that it is treated as not only a harmless "fling" or nothing to worry about, but also kept under radar as not even wrong in some circles!

That is the farthest thing from the truth.

In fact, across the board, it is understood that for the most part, Emotional affairs will eventually lead to sexual affairs as well, which eventually leads to a broken marriage, divorce, deep lifetime hurt and sorrow, and in many cases devestation so deep, that parties within the shattered marriage attempt to take thier lives due to the loss of everything they have given from with being completely disintegrated into a pile of burning, hot ashes.

A curious thing about having an Emotional Affair, is that the Signs and sympotms are remarkably similar to those currently in physical infidelity. Remember, both are considered infidelity.

What we like to commonly refer to when speaking with couples, is that "Any fullfullment outside of your marriage by anyone other than your spouse, is considered infidelity and unfaithfullness." (Mike & Trisha Fox from Marriage For Today: A Practial Guide for Couples - www.marriagefortoday.com )

The entire point of reference of the institution of marriage is simply, that the two shall become one. In every sense, from emotional to physical. And while the attention is on the harmful affects of how devestating a physical, sexual affair is on a marriage, it is often either dismissed, downgraded to a level 1, or simply ignored altogether, the lifetime, potentially irreversable affects that emotional affairs have on a marriage.

As reported on Troubledwith website ( http://www.troubledwith.com/Relationships/A000001177.cfm?topic=relationships%3A%20affairs ), "A new crisis of infidelity is emerging in which people who never intended to be unfaithful are unwittingly crossing the line from platonic friendships into romantic relationships ... ," 1asserts the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.

According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, there are 3 distinct characteristics of an emotional affair ( http://www.aamft.org/families/Consumer_Updates/Infidelity.asp )

These are: 1) greater emotional intimacy than in the marital relationship, 2) secrecy and deception from the spouse, and 3) sexual chemistry. Internet affairs, which cause marital distress despite lack of actual physical contact, exemplify emotional affairs. However, combined-type affairs in which extramarital intercourse occurs within a deep emotional attachment usually have the most disruptive impact.

These are basic, fundamental signs to which one can know whether or not there is possible emotional infidelity within their relationship.

However, we have compiled a more updated and relevant list which we have observed and written also in our sources (http://www.marriagefortoday.com ) and can be found in researching many elements as well.

Now remember, if you see multiple signs within your own relationship, this is not a "Panic Mode" authorization. In fact, you may want to use caution and care when approaching this subject. Here's why:

More times than not, we have discovered that in cases of infideltiy, emotionally or physically, that it is rarely a one-sided issue.

Many times in churches, which hold a much higher standard of the sacredness of marriage, they often unknowingly side with one who is "victimized" by the offending party that was unfaithful. This is wrong, whether in religious circles or non-religious circles. Simply put, there are always reasons why couples that were in love had somehow overnight displayed unfaithfullness in the relationship. And these reasons are RARELY one sided. In fact, in more cases than believed, it is actually the individual that was faithful, that actually had more share of the cause of the other's infidelity than realized. They, over time, had said and done many things to literally "push" the other outside of the love and care once known.

It always takes 'two to tango". And in marriage, it's no different. It is not just the "fault" of the unfaithful spouse that needs self-examination, but what part or role did the other spouse play in triggering or caushing their spouse to look elsewhere.

In fact, infidelity is rarely a one-sided issue. Both play a role in the actions that led up to that, and both play a role in restoring the marriage to love and respect.

So, here is the list we have complied:

  1. Concealing things from your spouse
  2. Sharing emotions and opening up to others other than your spouse
  3. Attraction to someone else
  4. Wanting to impress someone else other than your spouse
  5. Friendships with another than your spouse increase
  6. Lack of intimacy and sex
  7. Both work full time and do separate activities (spiritual or secular)
  8. Separate finances (checkbooks, bank accounts, etc.)
  9. Separate hobbies or ministries and increasing involvement in them
  10. Are you confiding in external people as much or more than your spouse? (Including friends, family, leaders in church, etc.)
  11. A decrease in empathy and overall caring
  12. Loss of interest in the other person
  13. An increase of external activities (spiritual or secular)
  14. And increase of friends
  15. One ore more friends of opposite sex
  16. You Often Dream About a Life Without Your Spouse
  17. It seems that The Bad in The Marriage Outweighs The Good
  18. You Keep Things to Yourself
  19. Petty arguments increase
  20. You feel like you don’t have anything in common any more or lose interest
  21. One of you is no longer attracted to the other.
  22. Partner spends unusually long periods of time on cell phone or computer.
  23. Partner becomes secretive or defensive when questioned about their behavior.
  24. Partner loses interest in relationship or family activities.
  25. Partner stays on computer very late at night after you have retired.
  26. Partner secures their computer in a locked area or with passwords you don’t have access to.

Now again, we encourage you to not be overly suspicious, but instead this is the opportunity for you to find out what you might be doing to generate your spouse needing to possibly look elsewhere other than you .

First, ask yourself these questions before confronting your souse:

  1. Have you said anything you are aware of to purposefully hurt your spouse?
  2. Are you actively refusing intimacy with your partner? If so, why?
  3. Are there unresolved hurts and conflicts in the marriage? If so, it's not just your partner; what can you do to resolve these?
  4. Are you continually overly critical and overall negative towards your spouse? If so, why? Look inside.

If you have honestly sought within for possible reasons for your partner to lose trust and confidence in you and seek elsewhere, then lovingly have a quiet time to sit down, and without blaming words, tell them how you feel that there may be some type of infidelity and if there isn't then you are just wanting to be closer and just need deep reassurance. Tell them what things that they may be doing that causes you to feel as if they are closer to someone else besides you.

And just know, that if you can catch these quick enough, you do not have to participate in the statistics of marriages that have gone astray, but instead be a testimony to other couples how they too, can become closer.


If you would like to contact Mike & Trisha Fox , please email us at: foxfamily238@yahoo.com

Signs of an emotional affair - Philadelphia Marriage | Examiner.com http://www.examiner.com/marriage-in-philadelphia/signs-of-an-emotional-affair#ixzz1WNePObde


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